Why do you keep trying to force yourself to feel guilty... to feel like because you are Bethany you for some reason need redemption? Redemption for what? For being who God made you?Does Judas need redemption for the sacrifice God chose him to make for His plan? Does the Pharaoh need redemption because God hardened his heart? Did Paul have any more say than them in being chosen to start the church? If God is in complete control and takes such care in forming everything from each hair on our head to our experiences and actions, how can we respect Judas any less than Paul? How can we then be made to feel guilty to God about who we are when we are who He made us?I think deep down you're not sorry for who you are and that's why no matter how hard you've tried you can't force yourself to feel guilty about it. You can try forever but you will always fail in sincerely finding this guilt that is supposed to be there but isn't.Do you truly think that believing you need redemption is the sole way to reach the Spiritual? Sounds like you've only ever been told about one way to get to God.Branch out.
There is only one way to get to god: dying.
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