Wednesday, November 15, 2006

"When time passes, its the people who know you whom you want to see: they're the ones you can talk to. When enough time passes, what's it matter what they did to you?" -John Irving, The Cider House Rules -------------------------------------- "What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us are wrapped up in parentheses" -ibid -------------------------------------- "It isn't likely I'll do anything very terrible. But I mean to have a little fun" "Fun!" Mrs. Frederic uttered the word as if Valancy had said she was going to have a little tuberculosis" -Lucy Maud Montgomery, The Blue Castle -------------------------------------- hey folks. have you ever had such dreams that scramble daily perceptions of what is important? have you ever lost yourself in the bog, only to grab hold of something completely foreign when you try and pull yourself back out...nevertheless attached to your now-muddy body? i've counted days down before. i count days down now with a mixture of everything you would expect. its a little less each time. a little less emotional, a little less hard, a little less interesting, a little less days and hours and minutes- shit! i wish i knew what you saw when you closed your eyes. what imaginary arms embraced you. what you summon to your mind to help you fall asleep at night. maybe you dont have to summon anyone at all, maybe you just drop into a snooze, like some people i envy. it has been harder and harder to sleep for me, lately. it takes time, it takes effort. it takes mostly imagination.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey Bethany,
nice change... I like the colours. I seldom have to use my imagination to fall asleep. no weird dreams. They only come in the morning and sometimes won't go away when I'm alraedy awake. Don't know which is worse. I'd better e-mail you soon...
Anna

Leslie Fidler said...

Hey Beth-- Lovin' you. Missin' you. Feelin' what you have to say.

mercy said...

the blue castle was my favourite book as a girl. of course, i'm not a girl anymore. wait just a Cotton-Picking Minute. yes i am! and may i say that you're just terrific for pointing it out to me so surreptiously. i'm not even embarrassed by my own ignorance. but then, i rarely am. embarrassed i mean. i try to always be as ignorant as possible.

jacquie said...

holla. sleep is just so weird sometimes. i takes me hours to fall asleep and i have to make my mind think of nothing before it actually closes. otheriwse when i close my eyes i see circles. after circles after circles after circles. sometimes triangles.

Kent said...

Bethany,

When I pursue it doggedly, sleep evades me. When I must stay awake to drive long distances or listen to long lectures, it is a mighty and often lost battle to fight it off. Sleep is perverse.

Kent