Monday, May 29, 2006

is anybody out there?

why do i just feel entitled to god making my life decisions for me? i think i have too many of them. i think i used up the stock that he would supernaturally intervene in to provide guidance, too early in life. and now i'm just out, swinging over empty space on a jungle vine, taking indiana jones leap of faith... chelsey and clayton invited me to live with them in new brunswick (yes, thats in canada) in SEPTEMBER and go to school at their university (smallish)...straighforward? well, no, because see, its too late to apply for scholarships, so all that hard work i did in high school to get good grades, down the drain...and also, i would have to leave ecuador NOW, when i feel so useful with the guys in the park right now, and its such a crucial year for the youth group...(but when will that NOT be an excuse?)...i could wait a year and get scholarship (but who knows how much, even, would it be worth waiting for $1000?), but then chels and clayt will have graduated from Mount A and I wouldn't have anywhere to live. I could go, then, to Dalhousie, in Halifax, but thats such a larger university. anyways, do I really want to go to University? I would do one year of a B of A, and then apply to a social work program at Dalhousie...thats where my sister is going to be going to school in september, too. But its friggin WINTER in canada...i HATE winter...have no money...and want to STAY HERE. oh phooey

4 comments:

Polythene Pam said...

Stupid life decisions!

Kent said...

Bethany,

Well, I don't know if this will help much, but one thing I always tell people your age is that yours is the age where you make big life decisions and mine is the age where you live with the consequences of those decisions. That may sound negative, but the idea of a fresh start seems kind of nice when you are already carrying around a lot of baggage from past decisions.

Here's something that might be more encouraging, but in sort of a weird way. I made a ton of really bad life decisions over the years. And God consistently used those decisions and their consequences to teach me and grow me. In other words, no matter how dumb my decisions were, he had a way of using them to achieve his purpose in my life. There is something very comforting about knowing that God is able to do that.

I predict that wherever you go, there you will be. I further predict that God will be there as well.

Wanting to know him and wanting to be like him are what really count. All other choices are sort of options to a life well lived.

Kent
aka Pamela's Dad

anna said...

hey Bethany,
I think I know a bit what you mean... but I have no clue what to say and no advice... just wanted to say hug you :)

jacquie said...

you know..since that whole global warming thing, canadian winters have grown tamer.